What does "Family Life" mean to you?
The definition of “Family Life” means raising a child in an environment which will allow her to grow and mature to a responsible adult. Our desire is to raise a child who will be respectful of others, confident, educated and self-supportive. Early and I look forward with great anticipation to celebrating birthdays, Christmas and other special events as parents. Our hope is that the lessons we have taught her provides her a framework for her own family in the future. Our goal is to teach her social values that will allow her to make good decisions as she experiences life.
Describe your childhood:
Adoptive Mom? When I was young, my father passed away leaving nine children for my mother to care for. My father was a warm and caring father to all of us, and a dedicated husband to my mother. My childhood is filled with memories of love and the importance of sacrifice for others as my brothers and sisters grew as young adults. My mother did not re-marry but rather devoted her life to raising her nine children. My mother served as a deacon in her local church and instilled the value of humility and the need to help others.
Adoptive Dad? I have one sister and two brothers. I enjoyed my childhood and the values that my parents taught me while I was young. My mother was a loving parent who allowed me to mature and make my own decisions within reason. Upon reflection, she taught me to not be arrogant and to enjoy life. My father served in the armed services and taught me discipline and the value of education. I always viewed my father as the rational one who found it difficult to express his emotions to my brothers and sister. From my own experiences, I have learned the importance of being sincere and the need to communicate with others.
Tell us about your home?
Over the past several years, we have renovated our home and are currently in the process of preparing the baby’s room. Erly and I recognize the potential need for a larger house as our child gets older and have made several inquires with local real estate agents, but our current home is safe and secure for a young infant.
When you have a 3-day weekend, what do you like to do?
Erly and I are actively involved in our church and enjoy the fellowship with other members. Oftentimes, we visit each other and enjoy dinners and other social events during the weekend. We also make local trips to Philadelphia and New York where we have developed close relationships with other church members. We also enjoy spending time alone and often travel to Virginia Beach to visit my brothers and sister.
Do you have pets? If so tell us about them?
At this time, we do not have any pets. Erly and I work and feel that it would be unfair for the animal.
What is your favorite food?
Erly and I enjoy a variety of foods, both American and Asian. My mother is from Italy and so naturally I enjoy pastas. Erly is from Indonesia and has introduced me to a variety of dishes from her country. I enjoy the spicy food that is characteristic of that country which includes dishes containing chicken, pork and fish. People often comment on how quickly I have adapted to Indonesian foods as we gather around the dinner table with our friends. The truth is that I enjoy all foods, but enjoy the compliments, nevertheless.
What do you hope to teach your children?
Erly and I hope to teach our children the importance of humility and kindness towards others, and instill in them, the teachings of the Bible. Erly’s father died when she was young and her mother’s faith guided her in raising nine children in Indonesia. All of her children graduated from college and have families and children of their own. We recognize the importance of self-initiative and the need to be financially secure. Towards this end, we will teach our children the value of education and self-esteem, which is required to be successful in life. We believe that our goals complement each other and are mutually attainable.
Do you play any musical instruments?
No, but we appreciate good music in our spare time.
Describe your neighborhood?
We live in Maryland, in a planned community. The town’s activities are tailored to the family unit. The structures include skating rinks, tennis courts and multiple purpose gyms which house pools, basketball courts and other support services.
Share something about your spouse that only you know:
Adoptive Mom? As a means to keep her warm, she rubs her feet against my body until she falls asleep.
Adoptive Dad? After he completes his workout, he stares in our bedroom mirror to see how much weight he believes he has lost. If confident, he confirms his suspension by using a scale.
Describe the last romantic thing you did together?
We recently celebrated our anniversary by having a romantic dinner where we had our wedding reception. The restaurant is secluded in a wooded area of our community. After dinner we watched a movie, cuddled, and reflected on our life’s ambitions. While looking at the roses on our dining room table, we made a toast to reaffirm our commitment and love for each other.
What will you tell your child about their birthmother?
Erly and I believe that the child is a special gift from the birthmother which we will be forever grateful for. We cannot image the feelings and emotions that the birthmother experienced during her pregnancy. At the appropriate age, Erly and I feel that we have an obligation to inform her of the birthmother if asked. We would also discuss this issue with the birthmother and seek her desires before a final decision is made. Erly and I feel that our immediate obligation to the child and the birthmother is to raise and nurture her in a safe and loving family.
It's Daddy's day - what activity do you want to share with your child?
As a father, I would set aside my daily routine and focus my attention on my child. I would read to her and take her places to see her smile and reaction to the events around her. Of course, all of the day’s events would be accompanied by photographs for our scrapbook and shown to our families and closest friends. Daddy’s day could also mean babysitting the child to let mom visit her friends for a night of fun and relaxation.
Do you plan on sharing with your child what their birth parents were like?
We believe that a final decision cannot be made until this issue is discussed with the birthmon. Erly and I feel that the birthmon’s wishes are critical in revealing the adoption process to our child. We also recognize the needs of the child as she matures to a young adult and we would not conceal the truth from her. During her preschool years, we would focus our attention on raising the child to the best of our ability and seek consultation when appropriate.
What kind of education are you hoping to provide for your child - Private or Public?
We hope to provide the best education for our child and plan on establishing an education fund as soon as the adoption process is complete. We anticipate the fund will be used to finance her college education or for the child’s enrollment in a prep school. Our local school system is one of the best in the state of Maryland and provides an excellent education curriculum for young children. As a preschool teacher, Erly will also supplement her formal education at home.
How did you come to the decision of adoption?
Our decision to adopt was based on our importance of families and our inability to conceive children on our own. Our recent attempts at fertility treatments were unsuccessful and we discussed the possibility of adoption as an alternative. We both love children and often envisioned children in our home. We both know that there will be a few surprises along the way and we will gladly accept these unique challenges in our lives. A home is defined by the experiences we face in life and not its structure. Our dream is that these new experiences will enhance our lives and the precious gift that adoption provides us.
What faith will you raise your child?
Our child will be raised as a Christian. We believe that the values taught by the Bible provide a moral basis for life’s challenges. The extent of her involvement in the church will be her decision once she becomes older.
How will you help your child accomplish their dreams?
As adoptive parents, we will provide the financial means necessary to accommodate the dreams and aspirations of our child. Our hope is that we will provide an atmosphere that will allow our child to experience diverse events as she becomes a young adult. Based on our own experiences, we would provide guidance and explain the possible impacts of her decisions from a short and long term perspective.
What kind of a relationship do you hope to build with your birthmom through her pregnancy?
Erly and I hope to establish a sense of trust with the birthmother once she selects us as the child’s adoptive parents. We understand that her decision was difficult and that she will seek reassurances from us that we will raise her child in a suitable and loving family. Our hope is that we will share the diverse emotions with the birthmon as we experience the birth of the child she has entrusted to us. We will be forever grateful and she will always have a special place in our lives. As adoptive parents, our responsibility is to demonstrate our sincerity to the birthmon and not to prejudge her actions.
How did you meet?
We met through a nationally recognized dating service. We dated for approximately two years before we decided to get married in 2005. To honor Erly’s Indonesian culture, a second wedding was held in her birthplace where I dressed liked a King for two days and was given the Indonesian name of Sembiring.
What was your relationship with your parents like?
Our relationships with our respective parents are one of respect and gratitude. Adoptive father: My parents have passed away but they are forever in my heart. I can still recall the nights at the dinner table with my parents as we discussed a range of topics including my latest school projects and getting my driver's permit while attending high school. Our parents taught us the value of education and the need to respect others. Adoptive mother: My father died when I was young. As a result of my father's passing, our family relationships grew stronger and during my youth, I admired my mother's commitment to her children and the need to support the dreams of my other brothers and sisters. Despite living in Indonesia, my mother has visited us in the United States and we have often asked her advice in our recent efforts to have children. We can only pray that we raise our own child as our parents raised us. We are forever grateful for FACEBOOK and the calling card to remind us of home, and hope to someday soon, take our child to Indonesia to visit Grandma.
What attracted you to each other?
I admire Erly’s compassion for other people and her perspective on life. I believe that Erly’s strength comes from a strong family whose values come from the Christian faith and their determination to embrace life despite her father’s death at an early age. I believe that she would be a good mother as evident from her experiences from her daycare center where she works. Just simply, she is an attractive woman with a kind heart. I was attracted to Keith because of his kindness and his honesty. As a Christian, I admired Keith’s conservative values and his devotion to having a family and a successful career. Keith allows me to maintain my individuality and he respects my opinion on important issues such as personnel finances and raising children. Keith’s looks weren’t bad either and his dry sense of humor won me over.
Please describe your personalities:
Adoptive Mom? I consider myself a kind, loving and compassionate person. I feel a great sense of fulfillment when my efforts improve an individual’s life and their family. I enjoy the company of my relatives, friends and the members of our church congregation. I enjoy new experiences and like to keep myself occupied whether it is exercising, shopping or chatting on my FACEBOOK.
Adoptive Dad? In many respects, I believe that I have inherited personality traits from my father. I am a quiet individual who does not have a compelling desire to be noticed in large gatherings. I enjoy helping other church members as they adapt to American life, such as our pastor and his family. Generally, my decisions are thoughtful as I consider my actions on my immediate family and friends.
What are your hobbies (please share those you enjoy as individuals and those you enjoy as a couple):
We enjoy going to the movies, theater and attending social gatherings with close friends and relatives. We favor summer activities like walking, outdoor concerts and backyard barbecues. Being raised in Indonesia, Erly does not enjoy winter sports and favors the comforts of a warm home. As the Adoptive Dad, I enjoy American history, sports and robust political debates with friends. As the Adoptive Mom, Erly enjoys shopping, caring for children and working out on a routine basis. We often have guests in our home since we both enjoy entertaining friends as we gather in our living room. Erly also enjoys her FACEBOOK as a means of staying in close contact with her family in Indonesia.
When you close your eyes and see yourself holding your precious baby in your arms what are your thoughts regarding the birthmother?
My immediate thought is that I hope and pray she is healthy, both physically and psychologically. I also hope that the birthmom is happy and can share in our excitement of adopting her child. We understand that her decision was difficult and pray that she has no regrets over her unselfish decision to bring happiness to others. I will also feel a sense of relief in finally realizing our dream of raising a child and planning for her future.
How will a child enrich your life?
Erly and I believe that a child will enrich our lives by providing a sense of fulfillment that cannot be duplicated. We have a strong desire to teach children and watch them mature as responsible audits. Oftentimes, we reflect on how we would handle certain situations as parents, and believe we will be positive role models to our child.
Why did you each choose the career path you decided on?
Adoptive Mom? I earned my bachelor’s degree in business management and worked in my field of study in Indonesia for several years. I found no personnel satisfaction in my work and recognized a need to change my career. Based on a friend’s suggestion, I chose to become a daycare teacher. I sincerely believe that helping young children to become well-adjusted, responsible and caring individuals is the most gratifying way an individual can contribute to society.
Adoptive Dad? I chose the career path of an accountant because of my conservative values and to provide financial support to my family. I was fortunate that my college education was financed by my father who recommended several fields of study. I enjoy accounting because it is considered a valued profession, with specific guidelines to follow. I don’t consider myself a risk taker and view work as a means to enjoy life with family and friends.
What makes a birthmom special?
We believe that a birthmom is special because her decision fulfills the dreams of couples seeking children. A birthmom’s decision results in personal sacrifice as she places the needs and desires of her child before her own. We cannot imagine the realm of emotions that the birthmom experiences. We pray that the birthmom can proceed with her life and feel confident that the right decision was made.
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